List of Reviews

Yearly Summaries

2014 – Part 1 and Part 2 (The Top 10)

2015 – Part 1 (The Bottom 10), Part 2Part 3 and Part 4 (The Top 10)

2016 – 100-91, 90-81, 80-71, 70-61, 60-51, 50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11 and the Top 10

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE APPROVED STAMP ONLY CAME INTO ACTION IN 2015, SO SOME REVIEWS WILL STATE THAT I DON’T HAVE A RATING OR RANKING SYSTEM, EVEN THOUGH I NOW DO.

0-9

10,000 Days – Post apocalyptic snorefest.

approved28 Days Later – Danny Boyle’s immensely popular viral outbreak film. One of the few mainstream films that I have reviewed and my third favourite horror film of all time/

4th Man Out – Comedy about a man who comes out as gay to his best friends.approved

400 Days – Sci-fi horror about astronauts who return to a decimated Earth.

approved52 Tuesdays – Australian film about of a mother who reveals to her daughter that she intends on becoming a man.

approved61* – The story of the race to beat Babe Ruth’s home run record between Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle. Starring Barry Pepper and Thomas Jane.

7500 – Plane based supernatural snorefest.

A

A Girl Like Her – Anti-bullying film that is well intended but is ultimately a bit bland.

A Night at the Roxbury – Chris Kattan and Will Farrell bring their Saturday Night Live skit about socially awkward brothers to the big screen.

Accidental Love – The only thing accidental about this comedy is that you will watch it.

Aftershock – Chilean film about a group of friends trying to survive in the aftermath of a violent earthquake.

Aimy in a Cage – Atrociously bad film that I have since decided is the worst film that I have ever watched.

Ain’t Them Bodies Saints – David Lowery’s story about a convict trying to get back to his wife. Starring Casey Affleck, Rooney Mara and Ben Foster

Airborne – Forgettable mystery horror set on a plane. It was so forgettable in fact that when I read the synopsis, I had forgotten that I had already watched it several years ago.

Alienate – It got 2.7/10 on IMDB, it’s not QUITE that bad.

Alien Outpost – A documentary crew follows a group of soldiers fighting aliens. Effectively a propaganda film to convince kids to join the US army.

All Superheroes Must Die – Four superheroes awake to find themselves forced to go through tests to save the lives of civilians.

Always Watching – Horror film based on the Slenderman legend.

American Honey – Shia Lebeouf stars in a near-three hour film that has a beginning, but no middle or end.

approvedAntisocial – Clever horror about people getting infected with a mental illness when using too much social media. Takes a few interesting turns here and there and kept me guessing.

Approaching the Unknown – Science fiction film featuring Mark Strong going to the moon.

Archivo 253 – Mexican horror found footage film about four friends exploring an abandoned mental hospital.

Antiviral – Disturbing body horror film about a society that willingly inject themselves with a disease that a celebrity has contracted.

Area 51 – Found footage film about three guys trying to break into Area 51.

approvedAt First Sight – Mira Sorvino and Val Kilmer play lovers who deal with the latter’s blindness and the subsequent aftermath of an operation to restore his sight.

B

Bachelor Games – Things go quickly wrong when on a stag weekend in Mexico.

Backtrack – Adrian Brody in an uninspired horror.

Bad Building – Imagine a horror film so dull and bland that you almost fall asleep watching it….at 3pm.

Bastard – Five strangers go on a hike with a woman who turns out to be a serial killer.

approvedBefore I Wake – Jacob Tremblay’s dreams come to life.

approvedBeing Canadian – Famous Canadians explore what it means to from their homeland and how the rest of the world views them.

Being Charlie – A recovery drug addict struggles with love.approved

Best in Show – Mockumentary about the lengths some people will go to to win a dog pageant.approved

Blackfish – Documentary film about the killer whale Tilikum.approved

Black Sea – Jude Law plots to take revenge on his former employers but stealing a horde of gold from a Nazi approvedsubmarine.

Bloom – Diabolically bad and bland vampire film.

Bolgen – Norwegian drama about a tsunami created by a collapsing mountain.

approvedBoy Meets Girl – Transgender related romantic comedy. Decent enough.

Brain on Fire – Chloe Grace Moretz in yet another tedious film, this time about a journalist who develops a mental handicap.

Buddymoon – A German man takes his best friend consoles his friend after the collapse of his wedding by taking him on his honeymoon anyway.

Bunker (also known as The Hoarder) – Horror about a woman who tries to prove that her boyfriend is cheating on her but finds more than she bargained for in the storage unit.

Burying the Ex – Anton Yelchin comedy-horror about a man who’s girlfriend demends that they stay together, even after she dies.

C

Camino – A woman takes a picture of a war criminal beating up a child and is surprised that he doesn’t like the idea.

approvedCaptain Fantastic – Perfect film about a man who has raised his family in the woods, but they are soon forced to enter normal society to attend the funeral of their mother. MY FILM OF THE YEAR FOR 2016

Celtic Pride – Daniel Stern and Dan Ackroyd star as fans of the Boston Celtics that kidnap the best player of the Utah Jazz

Christmas Horror Story – Yuletide film about the demon Krampus haunting several groups of people.

approvedCircle – 50 people wake up and are killed one by one every two minutes and they need to decide who needs to be saved, all while trying to save themselves.

Classroom 6 – A blatant rip off of films such as Grave Encounters and pretty much every other film.

approvedCloset Monster – A young man tries to figure out what he wants whilst living with his homophobic dad.

 

Clown – Lackluster horror film about a man who puts on a clown suit that slowly turns him into a demon.

Contracted – A girl starts becoming a zombie after she has sex with a man who himself has sex with a radioactive corpse.

Contracted : Phase 2 – One of the friends of the girl from the first film starts turning into a zombie and fights to find a cure.

approvedCopenhagen – A young man travels to Denmark to search for his father, but also falls in love with an underage girl whilst there.

Cooties – Enjoyable zombie romp set in a school staring Elijah Wood and Rainn Wilson

Cube – Canadian psychological thriller about people imprisoned in a booby-trapped maze. Remarkablyapproved low budget but that doesn’t stop one of the best claustrophobic films on this list.

Cube 2 : Hypercube – Less than impressive and largely unrelated sequel

Cube Zero – More people enter the booby-trapped maze

D

Dark Feed – Poor excuse for a horror film as filmmakers are killed one by one in a haunted hospital.

Dead Like Me : Life After Death – Average movie based on the TV show of the same name.

Dead Rising : Watchtower – A surprisingly enjoyable zombie film.

Dementia – A war veteran is taken car of by a nurse with devious motives.

approvedDenial – Rachel Weisz and Timothy Spall in a film about trying to prove that the holocaust happened.

Detention – Josh Hutcherson in a tale about schoolkids fighting a serial killer.

Devil May Call –  – A helpline advisor gets tracked down by Tyler Mane after he accuses her of not caring.

Devil’s Playground – Zombie film based in London. It’s ok.

Dismembering Christmas – One of the worst acted horror (and I use that term lightly) films I’ve ever seen about teens gradually getting killed off at a winter cabin.

Do I Sound Gay? – Documentary about a guy who blames a recent break up on his feminine sounding voice.

Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde – A gender-swap take on the classic case.

E

Ejecta – Alien abduction, sci-fi torture porn film.

approvedElevator – Guests to a party find themselves trapped in an elevator with a bomb that’s set to go off any minute. Even a child actor can’t ruin it.

Emelie – “Horror” about a babysitter that tries to steal one of the children she’s looking after.

Ewoks : Battle for Endor – 1980s spin off of the Star Wards universe.

approvedExam – British psychological thriller with Colin Salmon and Jimmy Mistry. Eight candidates that are invited to a job interview and have to answer a question, but the problem is that they don’t know the question.

Extinction – Post apocalytic film about a group of three people that must unite to fight off some approvedzombie/vampire creatures. Features Matthew Fox from “Lost”.

approvedExit Humanity – Civil-war era zombie film that became the first film that I reviewed for this site. It’s far more than just a generic zombie film as it also deals with the main character’s struggles to deal with the situation.

Frank – Unfunny and pretentious musical comedy starring Michael Fassbender.

Felt – Nonsensical crap about a woman who tries to recover from rape by being a bit weird.

Force Majeure – A family is rocked when the husband runs off rather than protecting his family during an avalanche.

Frankenstein’s Army – World War II film about Russians trying to escape a lab full of dead soldiers fused together.

Freaked – Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter’s comedy about forced mutation.approved

Frozen – No, not the Disney film

G

Ghostline – Horror about a couple that moves into a house that is haunted by a poltergeist.approved

Ginger Snaps – Macabre masterpiece based on a girl’s transformation into a werewolf.approved

Ginger Snaps : Unleashed – Disappointing sequel that’s set in a hospital.

Ginger Snaps Back – Werewolf prequel set in 19th century Canada.

Glass Chin – Corey Stoll in his final pre-Ant Man film as he plays a retired boxer that gets blackmailed.

Goal of the Dead – Zombies and football, what’s not to like? Quite a bit as it turns out.

approvedGreen Inferno – Eli Roth horror film about a group of political activists who crash in the Amazon and are taken hostage by cannibals.

H

He Never Died – Misanthropic horror-comedy starring Henry Rollins.approved

Hedwig and the Angry Inch – Musical about a transgendered rock star seeking revenge.approved

Hector and the Search for Happiness – A genuine attempt to invoke wanderlust that ultimately fails because the story just isn’t that well put together.

approved

Hidden – Emotionally charged and tense post-apocalyptic masterpiece with a great twist.

Higher Learning – Mid-90s drama about racism in a high school.

approvedHolidays – Anthology style film in which a horror story unravels on each of the major holidays around the world.

Hollows Grove – A camera crew go into a seemingly abandoned orphanage and are killed off one by one by the ghosts of children.

Honeyglue – Surprisingly fresh take on young love between a cross-dresser and brain tumour sufferer.approved

Hot Bot – Two boys find a sex robot. Think “Weird Science”

Hunting Venus – Members of a 1980s pop group reform for one last performanceapproved

approvedHush – An interesting game of cat and mouse between a serial killer and a deaf woman.

I

approvedI Am Michael – James Franco portrays a real life man who went from gay-activists to pastor.

approvedImpossible is Just An Opinion – Documentary reviewing Lincoln City FC’s 2016/17 season

Infinitely Polar Bear – Heart warming and life affirming story staring Zoe Saldana and Mark Ruffalo about a family struggling to deal with the father’s manic depression. Unfortunately ruined by the kids involved.

Irrational Man – Woody Allen’s story about a philosopher who gets over a depression byapproved planning to kill a judge. Stars Joaquin Phoenix and Emma Stone

It Was You Charlie – Pointless paranoid “thriller” with one of the least exciting main characters in memory.

J

J’ai tué ma mère – Xavier Dolan’s amazing look into a difficult relationship between a mother and her gay son.approved

Jurassic City – Dinosaurs escape into a prison and eat anything in their path.

K

Kill Your Friends – Nicholas Hoult stars in a film that feels more like a love-letter from the director to direct a remake of “American Psycho”.

Killer Joe – Matthew McConaughey is a sociopath who is hired to kill Emile approvedHirsch’s mother. It also features Juno Temple giving a blow job to a piece of fried chicken.

approvedKrull – Classic 1980s adventure about a prince trying to rescue his bride.

 

L

Laggies – Kiera Knightley, Sam Rockwell and Chloe Grace Moretz in a comedy about a woman who can’t find maturity.

Land of Smiles – Awful “horror” about a girl who goes to Thailand and her friend goes missing.

Landmine Goes Click – A man finds out his girlfriend is cheating on him with his best friend, so he makes the latter stand on a landline, as you do.

Lars and the Real Girl – Ryan Gosling loves a sex doll, as you do.approved

Last Days in the Desert – Ewan McGregor is plays Jesus in his final few days in the desert.approved

Laurence Anyways – A man reveals to his girlfriend that he is planning on changing gender.

Lavalantula – SyFy channel romp about a lava-spewing giant spiders in Los Angeles

Let There Be Zombies – Hilariously bad zombie film set in the 1950s. Watchable simply because of how bad it is.

Let’s Kill Ward’s Wife – Awful comedy about friends who want to kill one of their wivs.

Left Behind – Nicola Cage stars, if that’s the right word, in rapture based drama.

Little Accidents – Elizabeth Banks features in a very slow film about a town’s reaction to the death of several miners.

approvedLittle Boy – The story of a boy who believes his newly discovered powers can bring his World War II bound father home.

Little Sister – A young nun returns home following her brother’s return from hospital.

Lost After Dark – Delightful homage to 1980s slasher flicks that keeps surprising you.approved

Love is Strange – A love story starring John Lithgow that starts off well but very quickly loses momentum

M

Mac and Me – Awful 1980s film about a young boy befriending an alien.

Maggie – Painfully bland film about a girl who is slowly turning into a zombie.

Man on High Heels – South Korean film about a cop that decides to retire so he can complete a sex change, but he can’t quite escape his old life before doing so.

approvedMatch – Patrick Stewart stars as a dancer who receives a visit from a man claiming to be his son.

Maniac – Elijah Wood remake of the classic horror film.

approvedMean Dreams – One of Bill Paxton’s final films before his death. He plays an abusive father trying to track down his daughter and her new boyfriend after they steal money.

Men and Chicken – Mads Mikkelsen’s Danish comedy about five brothers.approved

Mississippi Grind – A story about gambling addicting that stars Ryan Reynolds and Ben Mendelsohn

Mommy – Xavier Dolan’s lengthy look at a mother’s attempts to control her hyperactive son.

Mysterious Skin –  Joseph Gordon-Levitt in a story about sexual exploration and exploitation

Mystery, Alaska – Ice hockey based film with Russell Crowe leading anapproved amateur team against the New York Rangers. Heartwarming film and a genuine look about a community coming together.

N

National Lampoon’s Senior Trip – First film in the career of Jeremy Renner as he and his fellow students take a trip to Washington to meet the President.

Night of the Living Dead : Resurrection – Worst. Zombie. Film. Ever.

Nightlight – Found footage style film of students getting killed in the woods by an unseen force.

Nocture Six – Boring found footage film about people going into alternate dimensions.

Normal – Tom Wilkinson tells his family that he is planning on getting a sex change.approved

Nuns on the Run – 90s comedy starring Robbie Coltrane and Eric Idle about robbers that double cross their boss and hide in a nunnery.

O

Old 37 – Horror film about psychos who torture victims of car crashes. This has great antagonists but is otherwise dull.

One Night of Fear – Horribly bad horror film that is very poorly made. People are trapped in a house by a serial killer.

P

Pandemic – First person zombie-style flick

Powder – A tale about an albino man who can control and manipulate electricity.approved

Powder Room – British “comedy” about what happens on in the girl’s toilet in a nightclub.

Pressure – Four men are trapped several hundred metres under water and have to deal with the dwindling oxygen supply.

Q

R

[REC] – Incredible Spanish horror film of people trapped in a building an infection.approved

[REC]2 – Sequel in which a SWAT team go into the building from the first filmapproved

[REC] Genesis – Largely unrelated sequel to the first two films and not as enjoyable.

[REC] 4 : Apocalipsis – The fourth and final installment in the [REC] franchise is far superior to the third film, but doesn’t come close to being as good as the first two

Ragnarok – Norwegian film about archaeologists who find themselves trapped on an island by a beast.

Raze – Imagine if Mortal Kombat was made up entirely of women and yet you didn’t care about any of them……

approvedRehearsal For Murder – Early Jeff Goldblum film about a man trying to find out who killed his fiancee.

Resident Evil : Damnation : Animated horror film that follows approvedLeon Kennedy (from the games) in a mission around Europe, and despite strolling quite far from the canon of the games, it’s still rather good.

Rezort – Imagine Jurassic Park, but with zombies.

Richard the Lionheart : Rebellion – Tediously dull film about the sons of Richard The Lionheart.

Rookie of the Year – Very cheesy baseball film in which a kid gains the ability to pitch at well over 100mph.

approvedRudderless – Brilliant comedy-drama about a man who tries to get over the death of his son by starting a rock band. Stars Billy Crudup and Anton Yelchin.

S

Set Fire to the Stars – Offbeat drama about the visit of poet Dylan Thomas to America during the 50s.

Sing Street — Irish romantic comedy set in the 1980s about a schoolboy that lies about having a band approvedin order to impress a girl. Whilst this was little-known at the time, this has gone on to be an international hit.

Slow West – Michael Fassbender and Ben Mendelsohn in a western about a boy trying to find his girlfriend.

Solo – Remarkably forgettable horror film about a girl who goes camping next to a stalker.

Space Babes from Outer Space – Erotic comedy about three female aliens trying to find an energy source for their ships.

Star Trek : Horizon – Fan made film based on the TV show that isn’t actually that bad.

Star Trek : Renegades – Made for TV movie set ten years after the TV-series “Star Trek Voyager”

Starship Troopers : Marauder – Third film in the Starship Troopers trilogy, focusing more on religion than entertainment.

Stung – Horror about killer wasps.

Swiss Army Man – An exceptional film about a man who befriends a corpse.approved

Suburban Gothic – Unusual comedy horror film about a man who can communicate with the dead.

Suicide Theory – A humble masterpiece about a approvedman who can’t die and his relationship with the man he hires to kill him. A great example of Australian cinema.

approvedSummer of Blood – Remarkable film about a socially inept man who is then turned into a vampire.

T

approvedTangerine – Comedy/drama filmed on an iPhone about a day in the lives of two transgendered prostitutes.

Teacher of the Year – Extremely unfunny comedy about a teacher who must make a career changing decision.

approvedThanatomorphose – A woman finds that her body is rotting away but all she cares about is having sex.

Thank You and Sorry – A scripted-reality style documentary about Bleachers, an American indie band.approved

approvedThe 33 – Rodrigo Santoro and Antonio Banderas star in a film based on the 2010 Chilean mine collapse.

The 300 Spartans – 1962 film about the battle of Thermopylae, later remade as “300”approved

The ABCs of Death – 26 different directors produce a short story each for a letter of the alphabet and a theme of death for that letter. Some of it is ok but it is mainly infantile nonsense.

The ABCs of Death 2 – A rare sequel that is considerably better than the first film, even though it’s not that great itself.

The Angriest Man in Brooklyn – Robin Williams’ last released film before his death. It wasn’t good.

approvedThe Autospy of Jane Doe – Morticians do an autospy on a woman that turns out to be a witch, what could possibly go wrong?

The Bay – Found footage film about a parasite

The Belko Experiment – Office workers are put in a last-man-standing situation.

The Black Waters of Echo’s Pond – Think Jumanji…but crap.

approvedThe Blackcoat’s Daughter – Interesting and humble horror movie starring Emma Roberts and Lucy Boynton.

approvedThe Cottage – Andy Serkis in enjoyable British horror.

The Curse of Sleeping Beauty – A man moves into a house that happens to have Sleeping Beauty in it.

approvedThe Day – Dominic Monaghan and Shawn Ashmore fight off a group of cannibals.

The Divide – Michael Biehn let’s people into his underground bunker during a nuclear breakout, it doesn’t go well.

The End of the Tour – A very approvedwordy film about depression and loneliness starring Jason Segal and Jesse Eisenberg as a pair of writers that are trying to learn from each other.

approvedThe Fly – 1986 classic featuring Jeff Goldblum as a scientist who becomes genetically fused with a fly, and subsequently turns into a human-fly hybrid.

The Ghostmaker –  Friends find a coffin that can turn them into ghosts for a few minutes.approved

The Great White Hype – An all-star approvedcast appears in this film about boxing that deals with race and manipulation. Features Samuel L. Jackson, Damon Wayans and many other recognisable faces.

approvedThe Hallow – Horror film about a family that moves from London to Ireland and end up fighting off demons.

The Human Race – 80 people wake up to find that they are in a literal race to the death, decent concept with poor execution.

The Hunt – Emotionally engaging Danish film starring Mads Mikkelson.approved

The Human Centipede 3 : Full Sequence – Final film in the Human Centipede trilogy. More vile than anything you could imagine.

The Jokesters – Half decent found footage film about a prank gone wrong.

The Lobster – Colin Farrell lead comedy about a dystopian future in which you are turned into an animal if you are single for 45 consecutive days.

The Loved Ones – A gem of torture-porn from Australia.approved

The Overnight – An awkward attempt at an outrageous comedy starring Adam Scott.

The Poker House – Jennifer Lawrence and Chloe Grace Moretz in one of the biggest wastes of time that you will ever see.

The Program – Lance Armstrong biopic staring Ben Foster, Lee Pace and Jesse Plemonsapproved

The Proposition – Dull western style film starring Guy Pearce

The Ridiculous 6 – Blazing saddles wannabe starring Adam Sandler

The Rise of the Krays – Low budget telling of the early years of the Kray brothers.

The Salvaltion – Western in approvedwhich Mads Mikkelsen takes revenge on the killers of his wife and son, only to then himself be hunted down as a murderer.

The Sixth Man – A basketball film starring Marlon Wayans. A team’s star player dies before he comes back as a ghost to help them cheat.

The Stranger – A nonsensical film that is loosely about vampires.

The Survivalist – A dull tale of a man who is trying to survive, only to come across two women who plot to kill him.

The Traveler – Lackluster supernatural film starring Val Kilmer.

The Thing (1982) – John Carpenter’s classic about aliens and paranoia.approved

The Trust – Elijah Wood and Nicolas Cage as two cops out to make some money.

These Final Hours – Australian film about how a group of people spend their final hours before a wall of fire caused by an asteroid that has hit Earth.

approvedTom à la ferme – Xavier Dolan masterpiece about a man who starts developing Stockholm syndrome.

approvedTormented – British horror about students who are killed off by the ghost of someone they bullied.

Train to Busan – South Korean zombie film set on a train. Surprisingly very good.approved

Treading Water – A teenage boy that stinks of fish finds love for the first time.

Treasure Island – Charlton Hestonapproved and Christian Bale take arguably the best ever adaption of the classic novel.

Truth – True storyapproved about the aftermath of a newspaper article accusing George Bush of lying about his military service. Features many recognisable and well known faces.

Truth or Dare – A horror movie that is a bit like “Saw” but rather laughably tries to convince you that people in their late teens would play truth or dare at a party.

U

Unnatural – James Remar fights genetically modified polar-bear/wolf hybrids

V

Valhalla Rising – Mads Mikklesen stars as a mute warrior that sails with a group of warriors to the crusades.

Vanishing on 7th Street – Hayden Christensen stars in a poorly executed horror films.

approvedVictoria – A German film set in real time about a girl who gets more than she expected on a night out.

W

Wakefield – Bryan Cranston decides to make his family appreciate him by hiding in the attic in his garage.

Welcome to Me – Kristin Wiig plays a woman with a personality disorder. A film that doesn’t seem to realise that random doesn’t equal funny.

What We Did on Our Holiday – David Tennant and Rosamund Pike take their three kids to their grandfather’s birthday. The kids then set fire to him.

Who’s Driving Doug – RJ Mitte stars as a college student with cerebral-palsy that goes on a trip to Las Vegas.

Would You Rather – A group of individuals are invited to a dinner in which they can win money,approved but little do they realise that it will involve self-mutilation.

Wrestlers vs Zombies – Abysmal excuse for a film that seems to think that people will ignore how bad it is because it has household wrestling names.

Wyrmwood : Road of the Dead – Laughably bad zombie film from down under.

X

XX – Anthology movie that tries to convince you that having four female directors makes up for having a boring stories.

Y

Z

approvedZ for Zachariah – Post apocalyptic love triangle staring Margot Robbie, Chris Pine and Chiwetel Ejifor.

approvedZerophilia – Comedy about a teen who changes gender every time he becomes sexually aroused.

Zombeavers – It’s beavers that have been turned into zombies. Need I say more?

Zombie Apocalypse – The second worst zombie film ever made.

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