You talk so much shit that your ass must get jealous!
For the first time in a while I write this little preview after I have watched the film. I don’t know how but I managed to sit through all 100 minutes of this film, and the majority of what I have just seen will haunt my dreams for days to come.
I don’t think I quite have the words just yet to actually articulate just how disturbingly vile and outrageously disgusting that this film is. I didn’t mind the first one, although it was still pretty disturbing, and the second one was even worse and more depraved, but both look like Disney movies compared to this installment in the franchise.
At 30 years old, I have seen a lot of movies and there are certain scenes that are disturbing and will stick with me forever. For example, there is a scene in “The Fly 2” where the main character spits acid in the face of a security guard and his face melts. I first saw that scene when I was about 11 years old and it has stuck with me in the 19 years since, but I don’t think I will ever be able to forget what I have just seen in the last 100 minutes.
It’s not often I say this, but I would implore you not to watch this film. I am going to regret this for the rest of my life.
I’m going to do this slightly differently and tell you the whole plot, including the ending.
Prison Warden Boss (Laser) is struggling to keep control of his prisoners and is willing to try anything to subdue them. His methods are somewhat unorthodox and dangerous as he tries waterboarding with boiling water, castrating a prisoner, breaking an arm and virtually every other law breaking method that you can think of.
After his continued attempts fail, Boss eventually listens to his accountant, Dwight (Harvey), a fan of the first two Human Centipede films. He convinces Boss to bring in Tom Six (himself), the director of the first two films (and this one) and talk him through the possibility of turning all 500 prisoners into the centipede. Boss eventually agrees. The prisoners are to be minimally attached to each other, mainly held in place by straps and equipment, thus allowing a prisoner to be easily removed at the end of the sentences, leaving only minimal scaring. It is hoped that this will be the ultimate deterrent from a life of crime.
The prisoners are told, a riot ensues as they try to stop it, but they are all eventually subdued and tranqualised. All of those that are incapable of joining the centipede, such as the disabled or with bowel syndromes, are killed and the rest of the prisoners that are not on death row or serving life sentences are attached to each other. Those that are serving life or are on death row are surgically attached to each other, but also have their arms and legs sawn off, creating a human caterpillar.
Boss’s boss, the state Governor (Roberts), arrives to inspect what changes have been made to improve control in the prison. He is initially appauled by what he sees, especially when he sees a newly freed prisoner that has been mentally scarred from the experience. but on a drive home he comes to belief that the idea will actually work and goes along with it. He goes to congress as he plans to integrate it across the whole of America.
How is it worse than the first two?
I don’t even know where to start with this, I really don’t.
I suppose the only way is to start by looking at the first film. Despite all of the controversy, there is one thing that everyone can agree on with the first Human Centipede film, it was a unique idea. I’m all for new and unique ideas. Whilst it wasn’t a great film in any sense of the word, I commend any film that tries something new and has nothing else even remotely similar to it. The second one just seemed to be there for shock value and offers little to expand on the original. The second one is only slightly more disturbing due to the main character, such as scenes where he masturbates which sandpaper, or when a mother crushes her newborn baby’s head with an accelerator pedal in the car.
Don’t get the wrong impression, I am not a fan of the first two at all. I only watched the first one out of curiousity when people that I worked with started talking about it, and then I only watched the second because I was bored. Literally the only reason that I have watched the third is so that you don’t have to. Granted, I’m sure you’ve already got it in your heads exactly what this film is going to be like, and you are right. It is deplorable and I can’t think of a single positive comment to say about it.
Human Centipede 3 is disturbing from start to finish and I’m not going to lie, I had to stop myself from throwing up numerous times and even now, 20 minutes after the film finished, I’m still getting the gag reflex. It’s just an absolutely horrible film and full of disgusting moments. There are scenes where Boss forces his secretary to swallow his sperm, another where he orders and eats a jar of clitorises because he heard that African tribe leaders believe them to give you strength, a prisoner stabbing Boss in the kidney and proceeding to have sex with the hole. I could go on for ages about all of the disturbing scenes in this film, but quite frankly I want to try and forget this film as quickly as is humanly possible.
For me the most insane part of the film was not all that I’ve mentioned above, but when the governor agrees that it’s a good idea, the final five or so minutes are presented as if it’s a happy ending, with happy music playing in the background and everyone seemingly delighted.
Dieter Laser’s performance is just beyond ridiculously bad. His portrayal as the insane doctor in the first film was actually quite reasonable, but in this he loses all sense of credibility. Laser was believable as an insane doctor because his performance was creepy and haunting, it was almost the perfect performance for an insane antagonist, but his performance in Human Centipede 3, another film where he plays an insane character, is just beyond ridiculous.
Infact, I think the best way to describe Laser’s performance is almost like that of a cartoon villain. Every line is said with pretty much every word containing several elongated stretches of the same letter. You know that scene in Leon when Gary Oldman shouts “EVERYONE” and how it’s exaggerated? Well imagine that but with every single word. I’ve seen some bad performances from some bad actors down the years, but for me this ranks right up there with the worst of the worst. When you make Tommy Wiseau look Oscar worthy then you have no chance.
You know what, I can’t talk about this film anymore. Please, whatever you do, do not watch this film.
There is a page on Wikipedia that basically talks about the worst films ever made. On there are some films that you would expect to be on such a list, and quite frankly I would be amazed if this film doesn’t appear on the list in the near future.
I watched this so you didn’t have to.