Richard the Lionheart: Rebellion

And this is why the English will always beat the French!

Year Released : 2015Resize_Image
Director : Stefano Milla
Cast : Greg Maness, Mishael Lopes Cardozo, Debbie Rachon, Andrea Zirio and Marco Naggar

With just 14 people rating this film on IMDB, a new low for this site, I knew that as soon as I saw it that I had to watch it. So I sat there, watching this story, or what tried to pass for a story, unfold in a barrage of mediocrity and I fell asleep after 30 minutes. Yep, this film sent me to sleep after 1/3 of it’s run times. I was prepared to leave it at that but then I decided that I would watch it for a second time and see how long I lasted again.

I’m not going to lie to you, I write this paragraph after I have finally completed the film and I am desperately struggling to think of something to write which hides how deplorably dull “Richard The Lionheart : Rebellion” is.

Oh well, I suppose I should at least try to find the motivation to review a film that left my devoid of energy several times.

Plot

I’m going to do something that I have never done before and that is copy the plot directly from the Wikipedia page. I sat here for 90 minutes and there wasn’t really a plot to speak of, so I was amazed when I went on Wikipedia and they had one……

In an Europe divided between the two great powers of England and France, the sons of the English king, Henry The Young, Richard and Geoffrey, lead a rebellion against their own father supported in their fight by the old king of France, Louis, and especially by their french mother Eleanor of Aquitaine.

The eldest of the three, Henry, while trying to find allies, is forced to comply the compromises imposed by a land too much divided and with too many lords. But, after the Queen has been captured in an ambush, the war is inevitable. Richard leads the rebel army and, with his bravery, conquered the most of the English territories on French soil, sieging their father the king in the castle of Rouen.

But the kings of England and France are much more intertwined then it could seem at a first glance, in fact their plans were established long before the beginning of the rebellion. The three brothers have to face a path filled of traps, betrayal and shifting alliance until the incomplete defeat. But in the process Richard will learn the true meaning of being a knight and will also meet his promise bride Alys.

2

 

So, did I make it through without falling asleep again?

No, including the first time that I mentioned at the beginning of the reviewing, I fell asleep a total of four times whilst watching RTLR (I’m just going to abbreviate it as it saves time). Now, before someone says that I can’t possibly review a film that I kept falling asleep during, I did keep going back to the last bit I remembered and even gave it another full watch (again falling asleep)

I’m not going to waste all of your time and I’m going to keep this review short. The film is just tediously dull and unimaginative. Not once during the 90 or so minute run time was there any semblance of a plot and I was genuinely amazed when I went onto Wikipedia and there was one. Had that not been there I wouldn’t have known how to summarise the plot as it was seemingly non-existent during the film. I had to sit through the film four times and not once could I figure out what was going out because of the awfully dull presentation.

RTLR did start off promisingly and seemed to have a unique visual style and distinctive sweeping cameras, but it soon falls into the realms of being mediocre at best. This isn’t helped by battles being shot in a shaky-cam format, meaning you’re never entirely sure exactly what’s going on, who’s on which side and more importantly, who’s dying. This continues through any battle and especially in the final battle, a battle which is frightfully sluggish.

To sum up just how trite the main battle within the film is, they make a big deal of catapults giving the protagonists a genuine chance of winning, only for a lot of the rocks that they do shoot towards the opposition to simply bounce off of the walls and not cause a single bit of damage. It’s almost like throwing a tennis ball against a sturdy fence.

The characters are dreadfully underdeveloped and the main antagonist is the stereotype of a bad guy. He kills mercilessly, thinks he’s better than everyone else and does everything he can to be an arsehole….but there’s no development whatsoever. He’s such a woefully under-developed character that you really couldn’t give any less of a crap about the fights he is involved in.

I even bored writing this review and I’m simply going to leave it here. Don’t bother and more importantly, don’t waste your time.

1

Summary

A painfully dull film that not only made me fall asleep four times whilst trying to watch it, but also made so lethargic whilst trying to review it.

Avoid. Just avoid.

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