Roofies don’t exist, it’s like Santa Claus
Continuing on with my aim of writing reviews for 31 horror movies during the movie of October, one for each day (again, caveat is that I won’t necessarily post a new one every day, but I aim to write it so it averages out as one a day), so with that I am looking at what appears to be a feminist movie.
Despite currently changing from male to female, I have never really considered myself a feminist, not by any means. For example, there has recently been a story in the media in my native England where a 30 year old female teaching assistant and a 15 year male student had sex more than 50 times. The teaching assistant, despite having sex more than 50 times (not even allegedly as she was found guilty in court) with someone who is under the legal age of consent, didn’t get any prison time and hasn’t even been branded a pedophile in the media…so I, along with many others, pointed out that any time it’s the other way around in terms of genders, the male teaching assistant would get called a pedophile, predator, vilified in the media and would be given prison time, afterall, it has happened in the past.
That’s the main reason reason I don’t really do feminism (or meninism just to be clear) is that it’s full of double standards, but anyway, I’ve deviated slightly from the point.
So yeah, I’m reviewing a movie that from the trailer appears to be very feminist in nature, let’s see how this works out……
Following a history of sexual violence and rape in her life, Amy (Everson) is at a low point and whilst she tries desperately to give an outward appearance of being normal, she often spends her spare time in the woods as what she claims is her alter ego, a man hell bent on revenge against all that have wronged Amy.
Whilst on a night out with her friends, Amy does eventually meet Kenny (Audley) and the two start a romantic relationship, although he is very wary of her due to her unusual behaviour. Amy eventually takes Kenny to her house and reveals her eccentricities and they’re worse than he could imagine, such as a plethora of sex toys and a miniature figure of Hitler in a fetal state.
Kenny however has been leading a double life and is seeing another woman behind Amy’s back, and when he is caught by one of Amy’s friends, she decides to take revenge. She convinces Kenny to join her in the woods, where she plans to unleash her alter-ego and let him do what he needs to do.
Worth the watch?
I’m going to use a word that I don’t use often enough on this site and that is the word “twaddle”. For those that are unaware of what twaddle means, it basically means silly nonsense, and that is exactly what this film is.
Felt is a nonsensicle waste of 80 minutes to your time. I’m not even entirely sure why they advertised it like a horror film because it isn’t even remotely horror in any way, I feel like I’ve almost been lied to when they pitched it to look like a horror film and the word horror is used so often on pages such as IMDB, Wikipedia, etc. It doesn’t even slightly resemble a horror film except for a thirty or so second spell last on in the film, and in an 80 minute film, thirty seconds really isn’t a lot at all.
The character of Amy just isn’t that interesting to watch. They try to convince us that she is worth watching with a series of extremely eccentric behaviours, such as wiping her bottom on a photographer’s bedsheets, having a miniature model of Hitler in a fetal position, and so many other oddities that it is hard to simply put down in the space of just a few paragraphs just what they try and pull off.
They have done what is the equivalent of unusual comedies in thing that randomness makes the film worth while. It does completely the opposite throughout the movie and there was just nothing worth while to the character at all.
Audibly the film is almost like static coloured in. The atmosphere created by the ambient music is obviously designed to make you feel uneasy, especially when Amy is doing whatever the hell she is doing in the forest, but that is the only positive I will give in the entire film. There isn’t a single other nice thing that I can think of to describe the film, not a single thing.
In an 80 minute film, you should be able to think of more than one thing that was at least enjoyable, even if it’s pushing it, but the only thing that is actually makes a positive experience is the sound.
There is just so much nonsense going on with the entire film and the craziness of the Amy character. It almost seems like she’s doing random shit simply for the sake of making her seem more damaged, such as taking one of those baby alien toys you could buy growing up and painting it to look like Hitler, then claiming to her date that she traveled back in time to abort it. I know I’ve mentioned that a few times but it really is worth mentioning numerously due to the purely absurd suggestion things that they think will fly.
This is 80 minutes of your life that you will never get back.
Felt is unnecessary nonsense of the highest degree. I would love to know why they classed this as a horror because it isn’t, it is not. There’s nothing even remotely horror-esque about it and the most horrific part of it is when you realise that you’ve wasted 80 minutes of your life watching this non-sensicle film.
The acting is bland, there is virtually no horror, no drama, no thrills, nothing. There isn’t a single identifiable genre in there and other than half decent music, I don’t have a single good thing to say about the film.
If I had a trash stamp then this would be guaranteed to go it.