Why was the program cut?
Just when you think you’ve seen the worst film you’ve ever seen, along comes another one that rivals it. During this run of horror film reviews (a run which I’m not already half way through yet and I’m already terribly bored on), I have encountered so many poor films and this was no different.
I am writing this long after I watched the film, which is very unusual for me as I like to write them before hand, and I have felt no real urgency to review it. I feel like I’ve just wasted 68 minutes of my life and that is not a good thing in the slighest.
Infact, this review is going to be far, far shorter than usual because it was just that bad and I can’t motivate myself to talk about a film that is so bad that the best part about it is that it is mercificully short.
In Wyoming there were reports of a mysterious military base in which numerous odd events kept on happening, and one day a tape is released of several volunteers with extra sensory perception taking several missions to alternative reality Earth. None of the four recruits are allowed to give any of their real life details, including their names.
They are instead allocated code names. Simon (Jack) becomes Blue Guardian, Veronica (Boyd) is Green Guardian, Edgar (Witte) is now Brown Guardian and Darius (Seol) is allocated Orange Guardian.
On their missions to the other realities, they face dangers that none of them ever knew existed, and these threats linger at the base long after they have left.
Is the 4.3 on IMDB deserved?
Definitely not, 4.3 is far, far, far too high for a rating for this film, it is quite possible one of the worst films that I have ever seen. I know I’ve said that a lot recently but it’s true. It is ridiculously unimaginative, poorly acted, bland and worst of all, it wastes so much time that you lose all interest in watching it.
There are several rumours on the IMDB message boards that a lot of the people that are giving it high votes and great reviews are actually those involved in the film and their friends. This is backed up by several reviewers history consisting of giving this film a score, reviewing it, and nothing else (this user for example – http://www.imdb.com/user/ur59406320). One reviewer on the site calls the film an “edge of your seat horror”…..I have not got a single clue what the hell they are on about as there isn’t a single scare anywhere in the film, unless a noise that sounds like a goat bleating is considered scary these days.
There are more problems with this film that the weird voting and reviews on IMDB, and one is that the pacing and usage of time. I mentioned in the review for Bad Building that it seemed strange that they dedicated nearly 10% of their time giving you the background of the situation via text and opening credits, but that is nothing compared to Nocturne Six. The opening section of the film is presented as if it’s an investigatory news report, including an interview, various introductions videos to conspiracies and a news reporter wandering around the site of what had happened. All of this time is completely wasted as whilst establishing footage and news clips aren’t necessarily a bad thing, the director decided to spend almost 25% of the film’s run time setting up the “found footage” that you’re about to watch.
I’m not a massive fan of found footage style films in the first place, I tend to avoid them if possible and the majority that I review on here are because I just select a horror film at random from my various sources (mainly via the store CEX in America). Sometimes this works, others it doesn’t, and this film falls very much into the latter.
Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t try and trick you with the usual found footage horror tricks (such as turning around when you hear a noise, nothing is there and it is suddenly right in front of you when you turn back around), which would normally be a good thing, and the reason that it isn’t in this film is that there are no horror tricks anywhere in Nocturne Six. It’s about as scary as baby Groot at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy.
It has a very low budget of $25,000 (Canadian) and it shows as it looks absolutely terrible and unimaginative, and the cast itself is devoid of any acting ability, it almost feels as if they have hired people who can’t remember their lines and they have stuck their lines somewhere out of views of the camera. The delivery is that flat that it reminds me of a child reading their lines from a script live on stage. There isn’t a natural flow and everything feels forced.
Low budget films don’t necessarily mean it’s automatically going to be bad, and I’ve reviewed films with a similar budget, but those others at least made a decent effort and hired people who seemingly had some experience acting in varied roles.
Other than the short run time, I can’t think of a single positive.
Awful, just awful. I don’t have a single good word to say about the film other than it’s mercifully short run time of just 68 minutes.
Simply put, if you live to be exactly 75, you will have lived roughly 39, 420,000 minutes alive on this planet, but even knowing that I have that many I wouldn’t wasted 68 of them on this. To put that in even more context, when I tried to get a percentage of your life that would be taken up by these 68 minutes, my calculator ended with “4e-4”, it’s that low, and I implore you not to waste it on this trash.