Classroom 6

I told everyone that we should leave hours ago and no-one listened to me!

Year Released : 2015classroom6-poster1
Director : Jonas Odenheimer
Cast : Valentina Kolaric, Vince Major and Mike McLaughlin

It’s a found footage film. It’s a blatant rip off of other films. It’s got nothing remotely original about it. It’s Classroom 6.

I’ve not even started watching the film yet and I already know that I won’t enjoy this. I am literally only watching this in an attempt to maintain my run of posting a horror review every single day during October. I certainly wouldn’t be watching it otherwise.

I know that it might be strange for those that haven’t read my reviews before when I tell you that I write this section before I watch the film, but I am just tired of found footage films following the same formulaic plot and although I could easily be wrong, the trailer for Classroom 6 shows that it offers precisely nothing new and rips off other films such as Grave Encounters, Hollows Grove and many others in that it’s about a TV crew that go into an abandoned building, or section of a building, after hearing rumours of hauntings and mysterious goings on, only then not to be able to escape as spirits/demons/whatever hunt them down.

Then again, I could be completely wrong and it could be the most original film that I’ve ever seen……I think we all know that’s not going to be the case.

Plot

Annie (Kolaric) is an ambitious news reporter and she is determined to prove her worth by staying in a supposedly haunted school to get a story about it. She and her cameraman, Kurt (Major) recruit a team to go into the school with, including psychic Jack (Dogget). Kurt consistently mocks Jack about his belief in the paranormal and how he goes out about his ESP.

The group enters the school and voluntarily get locked in, not being allowed out until the janitor returns in the following morning. Jack reveals his method of finding ghosts via the means of a compass and throwing a tennis ball into rooms, but none of his first few attempts prompt a response from the spirits.

Despite Jack regularly feeling the presence of spirits and numerous unusual noises being heard throughout the buildings, no-one sees any proof of spirits actually existing and they all become convinced that the whole rumours of spirits was made up by the school to garner attention. That belief soon changes however when a spirit violently returns one of the tennis balls that Jack threw into the room.

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So, a blatant rip off or something original?

Original? Ha! I could near enough literally copy and paste the review that I posted of some other films of a very similar nature, but there has to at least be something associated to this film that is original.

So based on that let’s start with something that tells you how careless the writers are and that is that you find out within the first few minutes that the characters don’t make it out. Yep, within the first few minutes you already know how the 76 minute film will pan out, as if you didn’t know already. This is presented by an interview with Annie’s boss in which he clearly states, in a completely unambiguous way, that she was never seen again after going into Classroom 6.

That would be like me going into a screening of the original Star Wars trilogy and telling people within the first five minutes the major points of the three films (i/e Luke blows up Death Star, turns out Vader’s his dad, Vader eventually helps son (does it for him) kill the emperor, everyone celebrates and gives Vader a funeral like he hadn’t had a heavy hand in the deaths of millions, if not billions, of lives).

Don’t tell me within the first few minutes how a film will end because you’re giving me absolutely no motivation to stay with a film that I very much doubt I’m going to enjoy anyway. Don’t get me wrong, it tells you at the beginning of the trailer too that they all disappear, but assuming that someone starts watching your film without having seen that trailer, don’t ruin it for them early on.

You can tell just how much I’ve just talked about this how much it has pissed me off. It somehow managed to ruin a film that I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy anyway.

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For a film that lasts for just 76 minutes from the beginning of the film to the end of the credits, it’s amazing how much time they have spent trying to establish the storyline through exposition. There is a ten minute period just after the half hour period that is pretty much just Jack explaining the situation and what he does to detect if there are spirits around. In other words, he explains why he carries a load of tennis balls. They spend 10 minutes of a 76 minute film talking about why a guy throws tennis balls and how it will show him spirits.

Despite all of this and his tests, it takes far, far, far too long for the ghosts to actually make any semblance of an appearance and even then it is just by one of them moving a table slightly. It takes 49 minutes and 56 seconds of a 76 minute run time for the spirits to actually show up with something that you can actually see. Before then the presence of the ghosts is just described to us by Jack as he describes that a ghost was in a room, then left….then came back and left again. Riveting stuff.

It takes 57 minutes for the spirits to actually become violent and start attacking the characters and at nearly 4/5 into the film is far, far, far too late for the characters to face the actual horror element of the film, and even then that horror element just isn’t scary.

And finally, the characters are just bland, with the worst of all being Kurt, who seems to get offended by anything and everything. There is a scene where he is filming a current employee of the school and can’t help but play with the zoom button, nor can he keep the camera even remotely still during the interview, and yet he then has the arrogance to tell Annie that his isn’t an amateur and knows that he is doing. Quite frankly no-one that incompetent would be hired by a professional news company, making the character’s inclusion in the story farcical.

AIFHAOFUH

Summary

I’m not even going to try and patronise you by talking at length about my feelings about this film because it doesn’t really need a summary.

If you’ve seen the other films that the writer has plagiarised then you have seen this. There is nothing original about this story whatsoever and if I was the team behind Grave Encounters, Hollows Grove, etc, I would be contacting my legal team.

Just don’t waste your time.

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