Aimy in a Cage

She’s a cancer in my life!

Year Released : 2016aimy1
Director: Hooroo Jackson
Cast : Allisyn Ashley Arm, Crispin Glover, Terry Moore and Paz de la Huerta

So I’ve now fully moved into Leeds and in the first few weeks I met a rather unusual girl that is obsessed with Alice in Wonderland. She loves the chaos that ensues and the array of unusual characters, and after two or three times of hanging out with her, she invited me around to watch a new film that she said reminded her a lot (from the trailer at least) of her favourite film.

So before heading round to her’s I caught the trailer of “Aimy in a Cage” and my first thought was that this seems like a film that is desperately crying for attention, and I mean that in the sense of that it’s almost trying to be random and off the wall for the sake of it, rather than actually having some substance behind it, but to be fair, after my two favourite films of 2014 and 2015 were both films that I didn’t expect to like, I decided to give it a shot.

So I’m about to head out of the door (for those that haven’t read this site before, I write this opening segment before actually watching the film) with a sense of dread at what I’m about to watch. You never know though, I could be completely surprised and end up loving it.

Plot

Aimy (Arm) is a girl with some sort of hyperactivity disorder and this has caused a strained relationship with her entire family. They send her to have a surgery, almost like a lobotomy that will make her more civilised. Although the operation is a success, Amy’s behaviour only slightly improves, much to the disappointment of her family

Meanwhile, a virus is……

You know what, for the first time ever on this site, I’m not even going to finish the plot. Just don’t waste your time watching what I could quite easily class as one of the biggest pieces of crap that I have ever seen in my life.

1

Is it really that bad?

I’m going to put it this way, even after just five minutes it was taking every single ounce of my being not to get up and walk out. After ten minutes I was twitching, after twenty I was questioning my friendship with this girl. Putting it bluntly, “Aimy in a Cage” is one of the worst films that I have ever seen. To expand on it slightly, I am angry at myself for watching this!

Infact, I only made it to the 35 minute mark of the 75 minute run time before I had to stop. It takes a lot for me to actually not finish, or even attempt to finish, a film that I am watching, regardless of how bad it is, and yet this achieved it. With it almost reaching it’s half way point, I just couldn’t take anymore of this. I don’t often swear on this site, I like to think that I’m normally quite refrained, but this film has actually pissed me off and I would go as far as describing this as a clusterfuck of nonsense.

I could chuck a load of random words into a fish bowl, draw them out like the FA Cup, and I would still come up with a sentence that made more sense that this film.

2

This is the sort of film that you would show to someone you didn’t like and they were contemplating suicide. It’s almost wrist-cuttingly diabolic. There is a speech from the film “Billy Madison” (also awful might I add) that goes…

“What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.”

That, in a nutshell, is this film.

I don’t even know where to begin putting together a review that might actually help you decide whether you want to watch this or not because it is so bad that I can’t even begin to think of anything positive about it. It’s visually and acoustically hideous, and the dialogue feels so forced and unnatural that the film loses any mild credibility that it has. It is trying to be random for the sake of being random, there is nothing even remotely resembling something beliveable in this film, other than the fact that grandmother has enough of Aimy’s shit.

What little semblance of a plot that is hidden like a needle in a haystack in this complete and utter waste of 75 minutes of your life, and every remote sense of mild curiousity you have is lost in the desperate attempt for them to pay homage to films such as “Alice in Wonderland” and yet it lacks any of the charm or intelligence that both the original tale, or indeed the film version (the original, not the terrible Tim Burton film) came with.

The quote I have put at the very top of this review, “She’s a cancer in my life,” is exactly how I feel about “Aimy in a Cage”, it’s a cancer. It will make everyone who watches it regret many decisions in their life and more importantly, it will make you question what ever drove you to watch a film that is so bad that it could make someone angry enough to start a World War!

aimy2

Summary

If I was to rank all of the films that I have watched for this site, there is a good chance that out of the near 200 long list, this would be bottom. It is that bad.

I really can’t express just how bad this film really is, and everyone associated to this monstrosity should be ashamed of themselves for it.

If you even waste your time with this after reading all of the above, you might as well never come back!

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3 thoughts on “Aimy in a Cage

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