Keeping it Reel : 200 and Counting – The Bottom 5 so far

It came to my attention recently that I was approaching my 200th article for this website, spread across reviews and “Keeping it Reel” articles, and so I thought about how I could celebrate reaching 200. 

Firstly, I’d like to thank those of you that subscribe to the site, or have liked our page on Facebook, it is greatly appreciated and I hope that as the blog continues to grow, you will stay with me.

I thought about reviewing one of my favourite mainstream films, but I thought that would be too obvious. I then considered doing an overhaul of the look of the site, and that is something that I am still considering, but instead I have decided to do what I have been thinking about for a while and that is producing a list of the bottom 5 films that I have seen and reviewed during the run time of this site. I have often said in reviews “if I was to rank the films” and I’ve decided to put that into force.

Now just to make this fair, I have decided that it wouldn’t be right if I included all films that I actually saw before I started this site, even if there was a review on here at some point or another, so after taking out those films, we are left with exactly 140 films to pick from. Out of those, I’m going to come up with a bottom five, and narrow it down further from there.

Please note that I am not going to go as in depth as I normally do in my end of year reviews because I really don’t have the time, and I’ve already reviewed the films so don’t really want to repeat myself. All will have a link included to the original review.

BOTTOM5

Well let’s start off by saying that my number one is already firmly in place. Those who have been reading the site a few months will probably already know what is coming with that spot, but for the other four spots I have a problem because I hated them all, it’s just a case of putting them into an order of how much I hated them. I have to leave out A LOT of awful movies and whittle it down to five.

The bad movies that I have reviewed on here far, far, far outweigh the good films, so this has been tricky……

5 – The Black Waters of Echos PondThe_Black_Waters_of_Echo's_Pond

Original Review : Imagine “Jumanji”…..but shit

We start with a film that I am going to just outright spoil it now…it ends with the film’s events basically having been a day-dream from one of the characters.

That sealed the feeling of dislike towards this film and even turned it from a 3/10 (at best) to a 1/10. The acting throughout is awful, especially from two cast members in particular.

If this had been done right then this could have actually been a relatively decent. It’s not a bad idea in the slightest (even if somewhat unoriginal), but it is so poorly executed that it left a bitter taste in the mouth.

 

4 – Wrestlers vs ZombiesUntitled

Original Review : Calling it trash would be a compliment

At the time of watching this I was training to be a wrestler and this was recommended to me by one of my fellow trainees.

If you’re a wrestling fan then don’t let the big names of Kurt Angle and Matt Hardy fool you, they add nothing to a very flawed film, although in all fairness the acting in the wrestling world is very different to film acting.

I must admit that I am a bit surprised that this is this low down on the list, which gives you an idea just how awful the top three are.

 

3 – Bloom144666

Original Review : Bland vampire movie that’s not worth wasting money on

I don’t watch many vampire films, infact I think I’ve only reviewed two whilst doing this site (the other being the excellent “Summer of Blood”) but when I do I try and make sure that they’re at least somewhat worth watching, that certainly wasn’t the case with “Bloom”.

“Bloom” is so bad that it makes the “Twilight” franchise somewhat enjoyable by comparison, and that is definitely saying something. It’s got awful acting, a boring storyline and it’s just a waste of 90 or so minutes of your life.

 

2 – Feltfelt_ver3

Original Review : One of the most non-sensical peoples of crap I’ve ever watched.

The second film that I reviewed as my run of 31 reviews in as many days for Halloween set the standard for that month, but certainly not in a good way.

“Felt” focuses on the aftermath of a woman being raped, and yet the irony is that the only thing I felt after this film was that I had been raped of 80 minutes of my life, and it feels almost strange saying that because it certainly feels longer than that.

I hate this film and would happily burn every copy that exists if the opportunity came about.

 

So before I reveal the number one pick, here are a few honourable (or in this case dishonourable) mentions from the films that would have made a top 10 if I’d decided to go that far – 7500, Accidental Love, It Was You Charlie, Nocturne Six and The Poker House.

So we’re finally here, and let’s face it, it’s not going to be much of a surprise……

 

1 – Aimy in a Cage

aimy1

Original Review : A film so bad that I couldn’t even finish it!

As I mentioned earlier, anyone who has read this site for a few months will automatically have known that this was coming. Afterall, how many reviews have you ever seen that describe the film as a cancer?

This monstroisity still haunts me now, and it’s over 3 months since I watched it, and I make no qualm about saying that it is not only the worst film that I have seen whilst reviewing films for this site, but it is also the WORST film that I have ever seen.

I know that that might sound like a bold statement, but I challenge anyone to watch it and not feel ashamed. Everyone involved in this film should be ashamed of themselves.

 

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